Sure, we can laugh about it now. At the time, though, we cringed.
Downtown Akron’s grand parade, a small-scale version of Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade in New York City, went over like a lead balloon 40 years ago.
Everything seemed to go wrong with the falsely advertised “gala, fun-filled festival” in November 1973, including bad weather, poor attendance and inflatables that didn’t inflate.
The holiday-themed event carried the generic name “The Parade,” which probably should have been a hint of the underwhelming spectacle to come. Despite months of planning by sponsors O’Neil’s, Polsky’s and WHLO radio, in conjunction with the Downtown Association and Chamber of Commerce, the event spiraled out of control.
“You’re invited to join in the festivities! And it’s all free!” the advertisements gushed. “See you Saturday at The Parade … the parade you cannot afford to miss!”
Promoters touted “a giant rubber balloon parade” with 40 characters from storybooks and television shows. Unfortunately, the balloons were imported from a Pennsylvania rental outfit instead of being built at Akron’s Goodyear Tire & Rubber Co., which had created every inflatable character at Macy’s New York parade since 1927.
The Akron event sounded fantastic, though. Among the advertised characters were Sleeping Beauty, Prince Charming, the Wicked Witch, Hansel and Gretel, the King and Queen, Heidi, Pinocchio, Winnie the Pooh, Christopher Robin, Piglet, Kanga, Roo, Kukla the Friendly Dragon, the Lone Ranger, Tonto, Bugs Bunny, Peter Rabbit, Calico Cat, Tom Turkey and a giant helium-filled Santa Claus.
Local companies sponsored the brightly colored balloons, which ranged from 7 feet to 65 feet. Other than Santa Claus, a floating balloon, most of the characters were designed to be strapped to carts and wheeled through the streets. One display featured an Old West stagecoach and four galloping horses — supposedly 100 feet long.
Another attraction, sponsored by Summit Federal Credit Union, was a Riverdale float based on Archie comics. Its inflatable characters included Archie, Betty, Veronica, Jughead, Moose, Reggie and Hot Dawg. What Akron kid wouldn’t want to see that?
The season’s first big snow arrived the night before the Saturday parade. Temperatures plunged into the 20s, keeping attendance far below the expected 65,000 spectators. Families who did show up seemed ill-prepared for the blustery weather and had to raid O’Neil’s and Polsky’s for gloves, hats and boots.
The cold weather also made it difficult to maintain the proper inflation of balloons. Event contractor Giant Balloon Parades Inc. of Levittown, Pa., arrived 90 minutes late for setup and then couldn’t get its equipment to work, falling behind another 2½ hours. With the parade scheduled to begin at 10 a.m., the staging area at Grant Street and East Buchtel Avenue looked like a mass grave of half-inflated characters.
Creating a loop downtown, the parade route was a clockwise rectangle from South Broadway to Buchtel Avenue to Main Street to East Mill Street and then back to Broadway. A reviewing stand was set up at Cascade Plaza.
Mayor John Ballard proclaimed it Akron Parade Day. B.E. “Shorty” Fulton, retired manager of Akron Municipal Airport, was grand marshal.
Bret Yarborough, 12, of Elk Grove, Calif., the 1973 All-American Soap Box Derby champion, was a special guest. He actually placed second at the derby but received the trophy after first-place finisher James Gronen, 14, of Boulder, Calif., was disqualified for using an electromagnet in the nose of his racer.
“The city of Akron is yours today, Bret, and these are your people,” Akron Deputy Mayor Jack Fitzgibbons said as he handed the boy a gold key to the shivering city.
“Wow,” Bret replied as snowflakes stuck to his coat.
Organizers talked movie actor Tab Hunter, a former 1950s teen idol starring in The Tender Trap at Carousel Dinner Theater in Ravenna, into being a parade celebrity.
Reflecting on his descent from Hollywood star to community theater actor, Hunter told the Beacon Journal: “I consider those days the hot-fudge sundaes of life. It’s nice to eat one once in a while, but you can’t live on them.”
As the parade kicked off, it became apparent that something was wrong. Sagging, drooping balloons, pulled by volunteers from Big Brothers of Akron and the Akron Jaycees, rolled through the snow-slickened streets. A 65-foot tiger, truly impressive, was one of the few fully inflated characters. Other balloons lolled their heads like they were nodding off.
The Old West stagecoach skidded along without its four giant horses, which didn’t get inflated in time for the parade. The Archie display was almost unrecognizable with only Jughead and Reggie aboard. Five other Riverdale characters — including Archie, Betty and Veronica — were missing! Several other balloons had to be scrapped.
Marching bands played on valiantly. Among those braving the cold were the University of Akron, Buchtel, Central-Hower, Garfield, Ellet, Akro-Nites, Lancers and Akron Majorette & Drum Corps.
There were wide gaps between attractions. Meanwhile, the sidewalks were noticeably thin of spectators.
As the parade moved along South Main Street, families walked beneath movie marquees at the Astor, Strand and Euphorium — adult theaters whose cinematic offerings included Cry of Ecstasy, My Secretary and He and She.
And then another obscenity arrived. Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas. The most frightening Santa Claus in balloon history turned the corner. About three stories tall, the inflatable elf floated above the street while volunteers gripped tethers.
The bloated red body — the one balloon that was overinflated — looked like it might explode at any time. Santa’s frozen face carried an expression of agitation — probably because his scraggly beard was painted on his chest instead of being attached to his chin.
The balloon was too tall to fit under utility wires on Main Street, so handlers had to lower it again and again, forcing Santa to grovel repeatedly in the gutter.
It’s amazing that children didn’t scatter in terror.
All good things must come to an end. Bad things, too.
“The Parade” mercifully limped to a finish. Shivering onlookers dispersed, marching units disbanded and droopy balloons deflated.
WHLO officials were so upset with the balloon contractor for failing to deliver a “gala, fun-filled festival” that the radio station flat-out refused to pay, saying the Pennsylvania company “did not perform” as promised.
Needless to say, it was not invited to the next parade — just another casualty of inflation in the 1970s.
Copy editor Mark J. Price is author of The Rest Is History: True Tales From Akron’s Vibrant Past, a book from the University of Akron Press. He can be reached at 330-996-3850 or mjprice@thebeaconjournal.com.