Breaking up has always been excruciating, but at least in the old days lovers could split, move on and retain their dignity. Now, in the age of social media, extrication is nearly impossible. The pain of a breakup is nourished by an endless stream of Facebook updates, Instagram photos and tweets about one’s ex.
New apps and websites created to ease the pain of breakups may be changing that.
One is Killswitch, a mobile app that promises to “seamlessly and discreetly remove all traces of your ex from your Facebook,” that was released, defiantly, on Valentine’s Day.
Erica Mannherz, 28, who created the app with her friend Clara De Soto, 27, said the app reduces the bitter taste of a breakup. The two women, who both live in New York City, came up with the idea after seeing a friend go through breakup after breakup. “The poor girl, her Facebook profile was a minefield of elements of her defunct relationship,” De Soto said. “We couldn’t believe there wasn’t a mechanism on Facebook or on social media that answered that.”
De Soto said the app was the digital version of throwing an ex’s gifts and belongings into the trash, something with which she has her fair share of experience.
In a digital age, getting rid of memories isn’t that easy. Being connected to so many people across a web of overlapping social networks means that “defriending” or “unfollowing” people rarely removes them completely from your virtual world.
For proof that the need is real, walk into any bar and eavesdrop on a conversation between 20-somethings with their smartphones handy. It’s almost a sure bet that at some point the question will be asked: “Should I text him?”
An app developed by the Brazilian soft drink company Guarana Antarctica called the Ex-Lover Blocker, tries to tackle the impulse to reconnect. Anytime you try to call an ex, the app sends a text message to your closest friends so they can come to your rescue. As if that weren’t enough, it also posts an update on Facebook alerting the world of your imminent transgression.
“It’s kind of like, hey, if you call him everyone is going to see on Facebook how weak you were,” said Marco Versolato, 46, creative vice president for DDB Brasil, the Sao Paulo-based advertising agency that created the app, which for now is available only in Portuguese. “Self-control depends on the person but when you’re not emotionally stable you can use the Ex-Lover Blocker’s help as a friend.”
Annabel Acton, 29, had a different approach in mind when she started Never Liked It Anyway, a website on which spurned lovers can sell gifts from exes that are too painful to keep. It is the digital version of throwing your ex’s stuff onto the street for a profit.
“I think it’s very cathartic,” said Acton, of New York City. “One of the first things people do in times of change is to rearrange their physical space. It’s a sign to yourself that you’re moving on.”
That was exactly the sort of sign Bettye Dewey, 29, of Euclid, Ohio, needed to send herself after divorcing her multimillionaire husband two years ago. Her marriage ended bitterly, she said, when she discovered that he was having an affair — and buying another woman duplicates of every gift he bought for Dewey.
After they split, Dewey was left with Louis Vuitton purses, Dolce and Gabbana dresses and Chanel jewelry that she didn’t want to throw away but couldn’t bear to look at. So when she found Never Liked It Anyway, she was thrilled.
It was amazing, Dewey said, that “someone who could actually appreciate how nice the things were could actually have them and not look at them and want to gag every time.”
“I mean, cathartic isn’t even the word,” she said. “I feel like I am puking this stuff out of my life.”